Child Rearing - Love, Words and Rod
by Alfred Opp
That young people would marry and have children was the normal
expectation of our ancestors in Teplitz and Bessarabia. It was the
responsibility of children to carry on the culture and way of life.
Without children there was no hope for future prosperity of the
family, nor the benefit of having someone to care for the needs of
the parents in their old age - there was only the prospect
of an end to the family line.
Cultural life was strongly embedded within the family, and children
were raised to fit the family mold. Starting from the cradle, the
rigging was assembled to carry the sails that would provide a safe
voyage over the waters of life. Girls were trained to become good
wives and mothers. Both the mother in the home and the grandmothers
were actively involved to make sure young girls developed all the
skills required for their journey ahead. Boys were educated with
equal attention from the family to shoulder their male role and
responsibilities. Boys grew up with an understanding of what
was expected of them - they were to become a good family man and
provider.
Sex education was minimal. The inner secrets of reproduction were
never discussed at home nor were young adults allowed to listen in
on such conversations. The village Elder maintained a strong
stand on moral standards, using the same reasoning and
terminology that had been handed down from the past. But for details
to satisfy their curiosity, young people went to strangers, servants
or a confidant to have their questions answered. Since we were a
farming community, there was also ample opportunity for most young
people to be familiar with reproductive activities among the farm
animals.
In the German colonies, women gave birth in their homes. In most
cases a midwife was present to make sure the birth went well.
My dad at home was not allowed to be present when my mother was
giving birth. This was by strict orders from the midwife who felt
that the presence of the husband would only be a distraction. On the
other hand, there was never a shortage of help from the women in the
family. It was the rule of the day that a
Woechnerin (a woman who had just given birth) must spend
10 days in her
Wochenbett (birthing bed) after giving birth, not moving
a limb for the first three days. The midwife was totally in charge
of the care of both mother and infant. The midwife set the schedule
as to when the baby should be nursed, bathed or diapers changed. At
least one other family member who was an experienced mother herself
was always on hand to assist. My mother had purchased
Schmeckseife (a bar of special soap that smelled like
roses) to be used to bath me. This was a special treat, as such soap
was a luxury item.
After a successful birth, the grandmothers of the infant provided
the midwife with a rewarding treat that included real coffee and
often specialty baked goods. The birth of a child was anticipated
with mixed feelings. While the family welcomed the arrival of a new
baby, they were well aware of the many tragic complications that
could take the life of both mother and infant. Serving as a midwife
carried heavy responsibilities and had its anxious moments. A
successful birth resulted in a celebration, while a failure resulted
in a funeral. When successful, the midwife was treated like royalty;
if the child died, the midwife carried the infant during the funeral
procession to the cemetery.
It was customary for relatives in the village to stop by to see the
mother and baby. Much attention was focused on the baby. People were
especially curious to see whom the baby looks like, what family
features the baby showed. Along with the visitors came food dishes
of a finer variety. Dishes such as stuffed pigeon, nourishing soups,
or sweet rice and raisins were common gifts. A favorite dessert for
such occasions was
Schneeballa, a dish of fluffy whipped egg whites served
in a tasty sauce made from egg yolks, milk and sugar. These dishes
were attractively presented to the new mother in a special
embroidered cloth spread (Tuch
) that was tied up by the corners into a slip-knot to carry the
dish.
My birth was typical for the culture and times. I was my mother's
first-born child and my
Oma Zacher made sure there was a second midwife standing
by who had the experience to handle any emergency situation. As a
newborn, I slept with my mother for three days before being placed
in the cradle that stood next to my mother's bed. Baby clothes were
presented to my mother by many family members and close friends of
the family. These items were hand-made by the women who went all out
to make these baby garments look pretty. Diapers, little shirts,
booties and hoods were nicely embroidered in colors to go with a boy
or a girl. Pillows and covers were hand-decorated with both lace and
embroidery. Diapers were made of a flannel material that was easy to
wash. To keep diapers from leaking, Mom used a red rubber sheet
called
Glonka between the layers of diapers.
Breast-feeding was of primary importance. If the mother was unable
to breast-feed or if the baby could not nurse satisfactorily due to
a health problem, a substitute method had to be found. This was when
the mother turned to a wet-nurse or purchased a bottle to feed the
baby. When I was four months old, when my mother tried to feed me I
would turn my head away and cry inconsolably. Again and again my
mother urged me to her breasts, but I would not cooperate. This went
on all night, until I fell asleep from exhaustion. Mom was at a loss
to know what to do. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
My
Oma Opp stopped by the next morning to see my mother,
and Mom told
Oma that I must be sick, since I was refusing to eat.
Oma Opp knew right away what she needed to do. She told
Mom that I was fine - I was just hungry! How could that be? My
mother was surprised.
Oma Opp went to work heating up some milk and browning a
bit of flour. This she added to the warm milk along with a bit of
sugar.
Oma had used this formula on her babies, and now
she used it on me. She sat down on a chair and took me on her lap to
feed me. First she put a spoonful of formula in her mouth until it
was the perfect temperature, then she put the formula back into the
spoon and into my mouth. I ate well and soon was so full that I fell
into a long, deep sleep.
For me, learning to walk came naturally. Learning to talk was a
different matter. Mom used a lot of baby-talk with me, trying to get
me to talk: da-da-da; babala; tu-tu-tu. Nothing seemed to work.
Oma soon had heard enough and scolded Mom for not doing
a better job teaching me. Then my Oma
Zacher began her method of speech therapy on me. Oma
went to work to teach me using my name, saying
Alfred, Alfredle or
Alfredche. Then she simplified it even more, repeating Alfred,
Afed, Afredsche. In the end I said
Fredsche and that name stuck with me for a long time.
Once children started to walk, they no longer wore diapers. What
came out went down one leg or the other. My mother would time me and
take me to the outhouse to prevent accidents. If she missed the
timing, I learned the result. I can honestly say that it didn't take
me long to learn to keep my pants dry.
Children learned very young what behavior was acceptable and what
was not. Parents didn't stop to ask questions about why the child
misbehaved. Disobedience was handled with a rod quickly and on the
spot. We early learned what was coming our way if we ended up on the
wrong side of the
law. The result was the same whether at home or at
school. From a very young age, children accompanied their parents
wherever they went, with few exceptions. As young children, we
learned to socialize, to behave, and to be part of the communal
life. We learned to respect our parents, and they taught us to be
honest, God-fearing and loyal. Obedience and hard work were the
order of the day - to be otherwise one could not exist.
As a teenager, my mother never received advice on feminine
well-being - only warnings to "behave." However, Mom was fortunate
to receive a
Doktor Buch - a medical journal - from her parents. How
much she educated herself on human health issues, I cannot say. Mom
didn't pass any of her intimate information on to me either. What my
mother did for me was unusual and especially emotional to me: the
day I left for America she gave me a condom. I was 25 years old when
I said farewell to my family. It was a very emotional moment for me.
Leaving my mother behind was especially difficult. It seemed to both
of us that this might be the parting with no return. I was so
touched by what Mother did. Her care and devotion left me standing
there in tears. Her love at that moment reached an all-time high
with me, knowing that she wanted me to be protected and safe.
Years later, in Canada, Mom was more open about her growing-up
experiences and life in Teplitz. Yet she and I never talked about
the gift she gave me. I was fully aware of her sense of duty that
she carried out with such dignity. God bless you, Mom.
Alfred Opp
Edited by Connie Dahlke
____________________
Alfred Opp is the author of "Pawns on the World Stage" - the memoirs
of his childhood in Teplitz, Bessarabia and the experiences of his
family in war-torn Europe (Poland during 1941-1945 before they fled
to East Germany in 1945, then the reconstruction of West Germany
1945-1955).
___________________
Note: Many of the recipes mentioned can be found in "Bessarabische
Spezialitaeten:aus der Kolonisten am Schwarzen Meer, 1814 - 1940",
1999,
82 pages in color, compiled by Gertrud Knopp-Rueb.
English translation of the cookbook title is "Bessarabian Food
Specialities: From the Settlement Period of the German Colonies in
the
Black Sea Region, 1814 -1940".
This cookbook is available including the translation of the recipes
at this
webpage:
www.lib.ndsu.nodak.edu/grhc/order/cookbook/knopp2.html.